Branny continues to teach me

My grandmother was diagnosed with a form of cancer last summer that was found in her brain and after repeated treatments and setbacks, I find myself so unbelievably humbled by what she has taught me throughout the years. She has taught forgiveness when those closest to you hurt you and she has taught me that I am always worth the best when it comes to relationships because I am a daughter of the King. I am very fortunate and pray that she is with me for many more years to come and that I can make a fraction of the impact on this world that she has made on me.

Listening to Him...

It is hard to believe that it has been so long since I have been on here! I am going to make an attempt to be more faithful to my postings! I am amazed at what God has been doing in my midst over the past few weeks. I left my position at a local church and while many would like to know who or what  is to blame for that decision, the reality is that God simply revealed to my family and I that we were no longer called to be there. I am taking time to be still and wait on His direction. This may sound simple, but going from working 50-60 hours a week to not at all is a huge adjustment and yet I am able to focus on my family more which is exactly what I should have been doing in the first place! So an update on the fabulous family...

Christina is 13 and a freshman in high school...wow! She is in the choir and is playing soccer and is adjusting beautifully! I learn from her daily and love what God is doing in her life. She exhibits such joy that it is contagious.

Rachel is 8 and in the 3rd grade. She is busy with girl scouts and gymnastics and I look forward to hearign what may come from her mouth next! For those of you who know her, that comes as no surprise!

Chet is doing well...he is my rock and often has no idea. Often times it is what he says when he is not talking that motivates me the most. He is an amazing man of God and faith and so when he said it was time for a change with my job, I followed suit. He has been leading our house for nearly 14 years and we have not been steered wrong yet!

http://www.playlist.com/blessedjess

Thank you for friends!!

I am at a place in my life where I feel like I have been searching for years for the the types of friendships that I have in my life now. Moving to Albuquerque was rough, but He has brought me so much by bringing me here. I have new friends that bless my socks off and still communicate with some of my friends from the past. While at the adventure camp last weekend, God showed me what being real with a Christian sister could be like and WOW! Kari and I both said when we left that we had found our 'bgf'- that would be our best girlfriends. We shared just about every detail of our lives and when the weekend was over...we were both still standing! She and I had gotten to know one another over the past few weeks, but when we got to camp on Friday...God was there. Trust comes difficult for me and yet I knew with her that it wasn't anything I had to question...we laugh together and we can worship together...and pray for one another. How awesome is that...to go 31 years and finally find your best friend!

Happy Annivrsary to my sweetie!!!

The past 11 years have flown by! It is so hard to believe that 11 years ago, I stood looking through the window pane of the double doors wondering if this was really happening. Were you really going to marry me? I looked out at all of the people- our friends and family gathered and could not believe the miles traveled by some and what the years to come would be like. My own parents could not make their marriage work and I really had no healthy marriages to look at...but we did it! I know that our marriage is different than so many others...and I am so grateful. 15 years ago I met this long-haired lifeguard with a heart of gold and then watched as you left for college and then joined the Air Force...and I look at you I know and that heart of yours is like no other. God has sent you to me and I know this...to show me what love is really all about...how to be loved, how to love someone...and knowing each day that I do not deserve it and you love me anyway! We danced to Celine Dion's The Power of Love....and it is still so true today!

Lost is how Im feeling

lying in your arms

When the world outsides too

Much to take

That all ends when Im with you

Even though there may be times

It seems Im far away

Never wonder where I amcause

I am always by your side

Were heading for something

Somewhere Ive never been

Sometimes I am frightened

But Im ready to learn

Of the power of love

Everyday we head into unchartered waters with one another. You have stood by me, with me, and up for me and all because you love me...hard to believe and somedays hard to accept...but you love me. The times you have been deployed, the world almost stood still, but God always brought you back to me...I would laugh when you were in Iraq and say that you would be alright because God has given us the opportunity to be one of the greatest love stories on earth and we are not done yet! The girls are blessed to call you daddy and I am blessed to call you my husband!

Just like me...

If someone said that you were dying, what would you do? What would you say?

I would watch my husband and my children as they slept, wondering how I got so lucky; wondering how God could love me so much to give me the miracle of love from an amazing man and two precious daughters. I would wonder how my husband could love me even when I was stubborn and prideful, and hope that he knew, even when I was at my worst, how much I adored him and didn't want to live without him.

I would wonder if my children would remember me or if they would only remember a to-do list of activities that I had created for myself and for them. Maybe they would remember the simple things like our car time chats, my anticipating each giggle, or listening for their sweet dinner time prayers.

I would wonder if my friends knew how much I adored them...each person who was hand-picked by God to walk this journey with me. I would wonder if they understood that with each call or text which came from me, there was woman who prayed for them and their families and sometimes hourly. If I was gone in six days, would anyone know how much I loved God, how much He has changed my life, and how much I believe that He can and will do that for anyone. Would anyone know how far God has delivered me and how far I KNOW He can carry them?

I write this because I have realized how short life really is. When Heather died two weeks ago, my mind wandered. She is 31 years young...just like me, has a husband who adores her...just like me, two children who she adores...just like me, a love for her friends that they will never be aware of...just like me. This weekend Chet and I celebrate our 11 year anniversary and it is a day of mixed emotions. One year ago, on our tenth anniversary, we were participating in a funeral for Devin, a 17 year old who died too early. At the funeral, I spoke of the Prodigal Son and how God is always calling us to come home and Chet served as a pall bearer. One of the hardest days we have shared as a married couple. We attended a service for someone who we had worked mission trips with, Vacation Bible schools, lock-ins. We had been to his house and visited with him and listened to his piano playing that was beautiful. We had gone to see him when he was in the hospital and we had prayed over him and with him and held his mother's hand while she prayed...she loved her son...just like me.

I pray for all those reading this...that no matter how broken life seems to be, there is a God that specializes in putting pieces together...just like He did with me.

She is growing up...

Wow! Hard to believe that she will be in the 6th grade this fall! Being her mother is such a blessing for me...she has a heart so big that I am often overwhelmed! I pray for her what seems like hourly as she gets older. I pray for her future friends, boyfriends, teachers, etc. We are going to visit a church closer to our house so that she can possibly have friends in youth and also school.

Mother's Day was this past Sunday and I got to spend the day with both of my girls...what a blessing! They brought me breakfast in bed, we went to church together, and ate yummy ice cream. I wish that my mom looked at raising chidren the same way, but as I was reminded by a sweet friend that she cannot give what she does not have to give.

when you are DOWN to nothing... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

The past couple of days have been like a rollercoaster...lots of ups and a few dips! I registered Rachel for kinergarten yesterday...wow! Christina has selected her electives for middle school next fal...wow again! If you read this and know me, you know that my girls are soooo precious to me and there is nothing more humbling to me than having the responsibility of raising up Godly women for Him! The past couple of days have made me realize that was not the priority when I was growing up and maybe that is why I consider it such a precious gift now to be able to give to my girls. I truly am blessed...amazing hubby and kids, faith in a loving Father and friends that walk this journey with me. Some have proven to be invaluable to me lately...encouraging texts, GNO with new found friends, e-mails of encouagement, sweet FB messages and comments, amazing birthday wishes, the list goes on and these friends are my family as well.
You see, I have a God who gives abundantly more than we can ask or imagine. I am still in shock about my Golden Girls...love that show. I have found my real life golden girls, or should I say my 'golden sistahs' and am so blessed to have them. Some I have known for years and some I have not even met in person yet! The title of my blog is 'jess is blessed' and that is very true. My friends have to know the part they play in that! love you all...and let's keep on pressin' on!

golden girls

This has been a sad day for me. Bea Arthur, one of my fave Golden Girls, has passed away at 86 and this has me doing some soul-searching. Who are my golden girls?

So I am starting to realize a few things since I made the move to Albuquerque...I am blessed beyond belief by the women God has placed in my life. Don't get me wrong- I am still on that hunt for some good ole' fashioned girlfriends in Albuquerque. But here is a glimpse of my last few weeks...

People from high school are all over facebook and I am still trying to figure that one out! There are those who I was very close to in high school that are basically strangers to me now. One was my maid of honor when I got married...but we grow up and sometimes that means we have to grow apart. That is tough when you realize how different you really are...yet how the other person appears to be the same!

Then I have those friends who I regrettably did not get to know as well as I could have in high school and they have become my sisters. Shawna, my crazy SC sis inspires me daily...such a passion for Christ, mixed in with her southern belle charm...a woman after God's own heart! A wife, mother, sister, friend, daughter, the list goes on. She has become very important to me...there may be a thousand miles between, but being together in Him, takes the focus off of the distance! I can' t wait to meet her precious kiddos and her new little man who will make his appearance in a few weeks! I will make a trek to SC within the next year or so...it is on my to do list! There are others as well...Mary, tee, January, the list goes on and on!

Then I have my pals in Louisiana who I miss terribly, but God is opening and closing doors there as well. Some doors closed the minute I announced I was moving, some closed a little more slowly, but still some have opened since the move and the result has been amazing. Different in their own way but Diane, Amy, Jennifer, D'aunn, Melissa, the list goes on. These are women who make me smile from the inside out! Women who I have discovered or perhaps, re-discovered since moving out here. Amy, a few months ago, was Christina's teacher, but since the move she is no longer Mrs. R- but Amy. Someone am blessed to call friend. What I have found is this...the relationships that you are willing to work for are the ones you will have at the end of the day. Some are only meant to be for a season and realizing that has been one of the toughest life lessons for me to learn. I so want to be liked, but have found that chasing down others for their approval meant I was losing sight of myself. So i have turned over a new leaf and am striving for drama free relationships...those relationships where I can be real...take it or leave it. I think that I am in a place where that is happening now...some are through facebook, or kept alive through text messages and e-mails, but still are important to the growth of my soul. I am on a journey to find those relationships here in ABQ and I know they await me, but for now I am enjoying the journey with those God has called to walk this path with me...no matter where they may be.

In tribute to Bea Arthur and my golden girls on the screen...Thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again, your heart it true, you're a pal and a confidant...and if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for being a friend!

The Wards

We have not had a family picture taken in years and my husband surprised me with having family pictures taken for Valentine's Day. AWWWW....

Update on the Ward family

We are starting to feel a little settled...Christina is starting soccer gymnastics and Rachel is starting dance and gymnastics. Their activities will help. It has been such an adventure moving to good ole' Albuquerque! I miss people in Bossier and at Plain Dealing and it amazes me the strength of some of those connections! We have started visiting a church here and it is going pretty well. I am asking God daily to show me if this is where He wants me. The girls are starting to get settled in at church as well, which is awesome! I wish that I could say that everyday is easy- but that would be a lie! It is very difficult to not be known for this extrovert, but at the same time, God is slowly bringing people across my path and I am grateful for that. I keep telling myself "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord. He did not bring us here to feel lonely and isolated...at the same time I know that progress cannot always be painless!

the simple things

Well, we are now in base housing- in between our house in Bossier and the new house in Albuquerque. The movers came and packed up our house and the house was emptied. We are now living the month of December with the basics...clothes, Rachel has her legos and a few books, Christina her DS, etc. We will be reacquainted with the rest of our belongings in January. I must say that it really is kind of cool...we are not nearly as distracted by all of our stuff.

In preparing for our new house, I am trying to discern some things. We are moving into a house that is almost twice the size of the house that we lived in for ten years. Now I am faced with the dilemma of how much is too much?

Time to Move...On

Well, things are getting easier as far as my perspective on friends and relationships go. I have decided this...it is time to start over! Yes, a few friends will stay the same, but a new me will mean new relationships. What do I mean by a new me?
Well, my mindset is changing a little. I used to take so much responsibility and ownership in my relationships and that is not fair...to anyone.
So, from now on, I can only be me. I am 30- happily married with two children. I like to have a good time and those times are meant to be shared. I am on a quest for REAL relationships...those built on honesty and respect. The types of friendships where you know the other person will be there at 2 in the morning- when things are not great- and the type where you can have a cup of coffee at 2 in the afternoon- when things are going great! I want the type of relationship where the other person knows that I am there and I know they are there. There has to be balance...I have a family and a career...but there are still aspects of my life that can be shared with others. I am reconnecting with some people from high school and we will see where that goes. I have a couple of friends here and they are awesome...just trying to figure things out. Some of my favorite shows and movies- the Golden Girls and Steel Magnolias- all show women who have had these lifelong relationships...I want that!!!

Friends

Maybe because I have just turned 30- not sure- but I really feel that my eyes have been opened lately. I am looking for friends who feel comfortable enough with themselves to "just be" in my presence. I am not looking friends who can only operate in a crisis-nor am I looking for friends who are afraid to be around in the midst of a crisis. Just honest people to hang out with, talk to, and share this life journey with. Is that possible? I know I am moving--but I am not gone yet! I am asking God to show me people to share life with and have some good times with in the process. Go out to dinner, movies, share my home with, the list goes on!

painting is acceptance

Yesterday, I went to Lowe's and bought some paint. To many, that is not a big deal, but to me it is. You see, after nearly ten years, I am painting my house in order to be able to sell it. Buying the paint was actually kind of fun and I actually started painting last night. The reality is that we are moving. We are to be in Albuquerque by January 10...wow! There is much to be done. I received a relocation package yesterday from Albquerque and I musy say that there will be all kinds of opportunities out there. I am leaving an awesome church and some awesome friends though. The girls are being awesome about this. They are looking forward to the move so much more than I could have imagined. God is using them as my role model with all of this. That is what is so beautiful about all of this...the girls are helping me paint. They are in this process all the way and I couldn't ask for anything else.

My girls

My girls, Christina and Rachel, have totally changed my life. Right now, they are nine and four. They keep me on my toes and and make me smile each day. I want to be a better woman because I know they are watching. I want to leave a legacy to my daughters that will last long after I am no longer here. I never understood how humbling it could be to be a mother, but each day I am reminded that God chose ME to be their mother. I am blessed beyond belief!

Where He Leads Us

Well, this is my first post on here. I guess what is biggest on my mind right now is that my husband is gone for the next six weeks and that I need to be working on getting our house ready to sell. I realize that not a whole lot of people know this, but we are going to be moving to Albuquerque, New Mexico at the end of the year and I am trying to discern how I feel about it. Chet is Air Force and I know the slogan- Home is where the Air Force sends you. Chet and I have been married for ten years now and I will go where the job sends us. I am just a little overwhelmed about moving--there is so much to do. I am not looking forward to "officially" telling my congregation that I am leaving so I pray for a smooth trainsition. If God leads you to it, He will lead you through it. So I am trying to be positive about the move for my husband and our daughters and, at the same time, trying to look ahead. So I welcome prayers and if anyone can tell me about Albuquerque- that would be cool!